"Hey, again Gumpai I'm sorry. It's been nice to spend time with you and the community but I understand I'm not great to have around. I don't hold your decision to ban and block me against you and I wish you the best.Best of luck in future and all the love

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I guess this is probably goodbye dummy 11/01/24 (Fri) 04:30:41 No.114

"Hey, again Gumpai I'm sorry. It's been nice to spend time with you and the community but I understand I'm not great to have around. I don't hold your decision to ban and block me against you and I wish you the best.Best of luck in future and all the love I can muster.

I'll be honest I didn't want you to ban me, but what I want isn't the important thing, I really just want what you want. Which is why my response was "do you want to?" Because in the end, if you don't want me around I shouldn't be, regardless of how much I want to be around you.

I loved spending time with you, hearing your voice and your laugh and talking to you. I liked giving you what support and suggestions I could. You know how I feel about you, I tell you as much every day, at every opportunity. I'm sorry for that stupid crass joke and I'm sorry I was in a negative mood overall. I'm sorry that I'm not a better man. I do want to be around you and part of your community, you know this. I know this. But if you don't want me to be I understand. I still love you okay?"
I realised you'll probably never read your steam dms.

dummy 11/01/24 (Fri) 05:10:22 No.115

I know some of you disliked me, its understandable I've been a mess since my sister moved in and our father who is a shared source of trauma is a daily topic that can't help but be dredged up.
Overall I've been put in situation where I'm constantly reliving the nightmares of my youth and learning just how badly they impacted my sister and it's been doing a number on me mentally on top of this I self isolated from much of my support network because many of them had been people I'd been involved with casually and I wanted to be truly faithful for the BFE, this left me without my usual connections to turn to.
this is no excuse for my behavior -just an explanation… I should have been stronger, I should have been privater.
I do not resent any of you for this, I do not feel gumpai was in the wrong to ban me and has been giving me more of a chance than I deserve.

I do wish I could return some day when I'm in a better state, because overall I grew to cherish this community and deeply adore gumpai.

Gumperoni 11/01/24 (Fri) 07:40:20 No.116

Gumpai was gross just to cut you down like that. I never had a chance to speak to you, but I hope you find a nicer community and your family situation can resolve happily.

dummy 11/01/24 (Fri) 13:51:12 No.117

>>116
don't be like that. she had every right to get rid of me; I know I'm all around unpleasant at times - I don't really mask my feelings at all and I have been under a lot of stress lately and ultimately dragging others into my negativity and ultimately have been a bad fit for the community in these last couple weeks.
I am just a bit too autistic to pick up whether someone is really upset with me unless its stated flatly, not to scapegoat my condition as I really should have learned by now at my age and I knew I shouldn't have pushed with asking if she does want to ban me but recently with my state of mind I've questioned if she even wanted me around and now I have my answer.